God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
