Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
