im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
