i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
