hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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