Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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