and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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