At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize