I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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