I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
