Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
