Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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