Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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