Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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