Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
