Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
