Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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