Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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