i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
