VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
