She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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