Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
