Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
