My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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