What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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