Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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