so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My bed smells like the plague
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
