Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
