turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
