Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
