she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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