I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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