when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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