Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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