three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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