TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
