just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
