You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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