I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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