i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
