mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
