Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
