Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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