tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
