Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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