She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize