Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
