Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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