you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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