Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I sprained my soul last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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