so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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