Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
