i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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