i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
