How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
