TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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