Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize