I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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