She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
