I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
