I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
