I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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