do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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