this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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